Helping Your 3+ Year-Old Stay in Bed Overnight: Using The Bedtime Pass

If your little one is over three and has recently transitioned out of a cot and into a big kid bed, or has simply discovered the freedom to get out of bed as they please—you’re not alone.

This age is a wonderful stage of growth, independence, and curiosity… but it can also lead to repeated night-time visits and disrupted sleep for everyone.

Many children catch up on missed sleep during the day or early morning. However, for us as parents, constantly getting up to tuck them back in or walk them back to bed can make it very difficult to settle back to sleep ourselves. Over time, this becomes exhausting.

In a previous blog, I talked about reward charts as one option to motivate positive bedtime behaviour. Today, I want to introduce another strategy: The Bedtime Pass.

What is a Bedtime Pass?

A bedtime pass is essentially a ticket your child can exchange for something they need want overnight—such as being tucked back in. Of course, it should be used on the proviso that their needs have been met and there are no underlying needs that need addressing.

This strategy works particularly well for:

·       Children aged 3+

·       Children who respond well to reward-based methods

·       Families struggling with frequent returns to bed overnight

The bedtime pass reassures your child that they can call on you if needed, while encouraging them to try to settle independently before using their pass.

How to use The Bedtime Pass

1. Hold a family meeting

Sit down together and explain:

            •          What bedtime passes are

            •          Why you’re using them

            •          The new sleep rules

This helps your child feel involved and more motivated to participate.

You can even make the passes together using card, stickers, glitter—whatever helps your child feel excited about the new rewards system.

2. Decide how many passes to start with. The number depends on how often your child typically gets up:

NUMBER OF NIGHT WAKINGS	NUMBER OF BEDTIME PASSES
1	1 pass
2	1 pass
3 or more	2 passes

The long-term goal is to gradually reduce the number of passes to zero.

3. Explain how to use them

Tell your child that they can use each pass to be taken back and tucked into bed. When they use the pass, they hand it to you. Once the passes are gone, there are no more night-time visits.

4. Create a reward system

If your child wakes and doesn’t use their bedtime pass, they can exchange it for a small treat in the morning. This reward doesn’t need to be huge—think:

            •          A sticker

            •          Time colouring together

            •          Extra play outside

5. Keep returns to bed calm and boring

If your child gets up after using their pass(es):

            •          Quietly walk them back to bed

            •          Tuck them in

            •          Avoid switching on lights

            •          Keep talking to a minimum

Make the return as dull as possible so there’s no incentive to repeat it.

Adding Sleep Promises

During your family meeting, you may also set sleep promises.

Your child promises to:

            •          Try their best to stay in bed

            •          Try not to use their passes

You promise to:

            •          Check on them once they’re asleep

            •          Leave a little token—like a paper heart—so they know you visited

This helps your child feel safe and connected while still building independence.

Gradually Weaning Off Passes

Once your child consistently uses fewer passes, you can celebrate the progress:

·       Using 2 passes → 1 pass for a few days

🎉 Swap unused passes for a slightly bigger reward

·       Using 1 pass → none for a few days

🎉 Celebrate with a special activity—like baking together, a trip to the park, or a family movie night

The aim is to slowly fade out the passes as your child becomes more confident staying in bed.

Why Bedtime Passes Work

·       Gives children a sense of control

·       Provides predictable responses

·       Reduces night-time negotiations

·       Maintains connection and reassurance

Children still feel supported, but they begin practising settling themselves first before seeking help.

Final Thoughts

Bedtime boundary testing is incredibly common at this stage, especially around big developmental changes like moving into a bed. The bedtime pass system is a gentle yet effective way to help guide your child toward more independent sleep while reducing the pressure on you overnight.

If you’d like more ideas for encouraging positive bedtime behaviour, you can read my blog on reward charts here. Rewards Chart Strategy

If sleep is feeling tough right now—please remember, you’re not alone. You’re doing brilliantly, and there are strategies to support you every step of the way.

Speak soon

Rina x